When
I was interviewing different types of solo parents for my book, one fact became
glaring: the pain is more intense when the spouse has passed on to another
house (sumakabilang bahay) than if he had passed on to another life (sumakabilang
buhay). The rejection and the blow to the ego caused by abandonment or
infidelity magnifies the pain of losing a partner. This is also true for single
moms whose boyfriends just left them high and dry after getting them pregnant.
All
my interviewees went through despair and grief but for those who experienced
betrayal, these were compounded by feelings of anger and insignificance. Being
dumped for somebody else or being abandoned crushed their self-image.
If
you’re a solo parent and a member of Tropang Rejected, how do you rebuild
your self-esteem?
Repurpose
and Re-Purpose Your Life
A
crisis teaches us many life lessons. This lockdown caused by the COVID-19
pandemic has blessed me with a mindset shift that I believe will also help you feel
your worth
Repurpose means
to adapt for use in a different way other than what it was originally intended
for. For instance, we found new uses for the rooms in our house because of the
community quarantine:
- Living room to prayer room where we hear mass
and pray the Angelus and family rosary daily
- Guest room to personal space for yoga, Zumba,
workout and Muay Thai practice
- Boys’ room to family gym
Re
with a dash (Re-) means once more, afresh, anew. Re-purpose
then would mean finding new motivation or refreshing your purpose. I couldn’t
find “Re-purpose” in the dictionary in this form, but it took on this meaning
for me when I found renewed impetus for writing, painting and even
cooking/baking. These were things that I love to do that have been shelved for
an awfully long time. The lockdown gave me the chance to refresh these
interests and revitalized my life’s purpose.
Repurposing
and re-purposing your life will revive your sense of significance. It will give
your battered ego and feelings a much-needed boost when you find new use for your
life that some cad did not think was worth treasuring. In adapting your old
life to your new normal of living without a partner, you will find unknown
strengths, become more adept with old skills, and discover hidden talents.
Here
are some questions that might help in your rediscovery journey:
· 1. What did you love to do that you had to give up
because you became a wife and/or a mother?
· 2. What new thing would you like to learn now that you
don’t have a husband or partner to hold you back?
· 3. What are you doing now or what do you have that you
can repurpose to help others? For this, let me use as examples a couple of
heroic Feasters who had something that they repurposed for the good of people
in need. They are not members of the Tropang Rejected, just to be clear.
o My
friend from our Marian Pilgrimage group, Geraldine Maquinay, repurposed her canteen
concession and catering business to feed the poor and hungry who were not
receiving relief during the lockdown.
o One
of our worship leaders at The Feast, Mikey Cas (not a solo parent), repurposed
his car into a shuttle for frontliners at the height of the quarantine.
What
can rebuild your self-esteem better than doing something you are good at? What
can improve your self-image better than being able to accomplish something new?
What can give you a greater sense of significance than being of service to others?
Are
you feeling useless like these objects? Like these repurposed things you can
make something beautiful out of a person that has been rejected.
Are
you an unused gift mug gathering dust in storage?
Repurpose yourself into a
vase to hold beautiful flowers.
Are
you a discarded bra padding?
Reinvent yourself into a glitzy face mask.
Are
you an old shirt tossed into the giveaway pile after giving the best years of
your life?
Redesign yourself into a sexy and sassy gym top.
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| Photo from Pinterest |
Don’t
let rejection make you feel insignificant and unwanted. In one of his homilies,
Fr. Dave Concepcion said, “No one can make you feel miserable without your
permission.” Let me add to that: “No one can make you feel worthless after you
have given your life a new purpose.”
“Therefore,
if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is
here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17
