Sometimes,
I receive messages like these:
“Hi!
Can I call you? I need your advice.”
“Sis,
I just want to share my feelings now. It seems my fear of being left alone is
coming true.”
Or
questions like these when I get invited to give the occasional talk:
“What
do you do with hard-headed teen-aged children who hate you for making them obey
your rules?”
“When
is the right time for a solo parent to begin dating?”
I
have a quick retort for the last one: “Malay ko ba. I can’t relate noh!!!
Strict ang payrents ko.” But seriously, these are heart-stopping moments
for me. Why? Because I’m afraid I will be asked for wisdom that I might not
have. I, of course, always invoke God’s wisdom before engaging the people who
seek answers from me. Many times, I’d be surprised by an advice I’d give
because I know that definitely didn’t come from me. At other times God would nudge
me to remember an experience (mine or someone else’s) that is related to the
question.
But
half the time, I’m clueless myself especially when it comes to the topic of making
adult children accede to your wishes. I’m sure many parents with adult children
will agree it was so much simpler when they were small. They need to take
medicine? You can hold their cheek gently till it’s swallowed. They’re due for
a check-up with the pediatrician? You can carry them to the car. It’s time to
go to mass? You can promise them a balloon after mass. Their room is a mess?
You can make a game with shoot the toys in the basket.
Now,
try making your adult children do these things and these are what you’ll get: eyes
rolled till they reach the backs of their heads, a fight, roars of laughter or
a deaf ear.
Recently,
my heart bled for a solo parent sister whose adult child left their family home
for reasons she was not happy with. All I could tell her was to keep praying
for her child and the cause of their situation. But after that, my heart was
uneasy. Is there something more we parents can do other than pray? Fighting, forcing
them to obey will only make things worse.
Yesterday,
I got the answer from Fr. Ted Torralba’s birthday homily for the online mass of
Sta. Maria Goretti based on this bible passage:
“The Kingdom of God is at hand.” – Matthew
10:7
He
cited as an example a family member who does not attend mass with you even online,
even with the conveniences of modern-day gadgets. He said:
“How do we handle the issue? Not by
lecturing where they should be but by making ourselves a part of their lives.
How? Celebrating with them their blessings, standing with them in their
struggles. They know how much our faith means to us and our presence with them gives
that faith credibility. We call this the Ministry or the Apostolate of
Presence: just be there. Our love, our acceptance, our care is a proclamation
that the kingdom of God is present…Our compassion is a sign that God is right
here, right now.”
His
words set my troubled heart to rest. What is most important after all, when
taking a faith walk with our children, is our presence. This is also true for
other people that God sends us to minister, those to whom we proclaim the Kingdom
of God.
Fr.
Ted ended with this adage and challenge:
“Hands that move are more powerful than lips that pray.”
