Spirit Over Mind

 

“…the Holy Spirit came on them, and they spoke in tongues…” – Acts 19:6

In my book The Happy Solo Kit (Tools and Supplies You Need to Survive Solo Parenting without Losing Your Marbles), there’s a section I called “Terrible Teens”. Like I said there, teens are more terrible than twos. It is at this stage when children develop their own minds and start thinking they know better than their parents.

It’s very difficult to give them your opinion about how to live their lives because they would always counter with a different take. Always!

But I remember one time when my elder son, then in high school, was heartbroken, and he asked to meet me in front of our church to talk. I wanted to help him but was already half-expecting his usual kontrapelo (going against the grain) reactions. So, on my way to the church, I sent up a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit for wisdom.

Our conversation was going the usual But-Mom-that’s-not-how-it-is way until he asked a difficult question. I didn’t know how to answer, but as I opened my mouth the words just flowed. Surprisingly, he quietly accepted the wisdom I was spouting. I knew then it was the Holy Spirit at work. Those words did not come from me as I felt clueless before I began.

So, Terrible Teens or Terrible Twos or whatever terrible stage our children are in, it always helps to ask the Holy Spirit to guide us in our parenting journey.

A Heart Like His Own

 

“Generosity is not about how much you have given, but about how little you have kept for yourself.” – Fr. Dave Concepcion

Yesterday, I was looking for a beautiful quote to go with the watercolor painting I just finished to make an inspirational e-poster. And right away, God sent the inspiration this morning. At mass, during the celebration of the Feast of Sta. Maria Goretti, Fr. Dave repeated the above quotation which had struck me when he said it during his homily a few days ago.

My blog today will not be about deep reflections and thoughts or life-changing events in my life. It will simply be a gratitude post for God’s generosities to this Happy Solo Mom:

“Thank you, Lord for sustaining my sanity in this pandemic through my spiritual family in the The Feast and the new spiritual home I found in Sta. Maria Goretti. Thank you for showing me, through them, that generosity still abounds in this world.

Thank you for my children Jaffy and Julian (Buddy) whom You have gifted me with right around this time many seasons ago and the generous nature You have nurtured in them.”

Generosity is not just about giving material things. It is about having “a heart like His (God’s) own” (A Generous Heart from Sovereign Grace Music).

My heart still swells with pride and joy when I remember New Year’s Day 2019, the last day of our family’s Scandinavian trip. We were in an emergency clinic in Helsinki because Jaffy had a run-in with the hotel’s cabinet door handle and needed some stitches on his head. I saw Buddy helping a man unpack his luggage, repack them and assist him around. I think the man was also a tourist, has cerebral palsy and had no one with him. I was so moved by my son’s generosity to a stranger. Generosity is kindness shown.

Generosity is also about sharing your talents and experiences to help others be better.

Let me share a message I posted in our Hero Independent Parents group telling them about Jaffy’s new YouTube Kids channel, The Curious Monster Lab: “…By the way, he’s the one who wrote the epilogue in my book about growing up in a solo parent family. It just goes to show that by God’s grace, solo parents can still raise good children.” Jaffy’s mission in setting up that channel is not only to educate children, but to help the next generation grow up to be kind, considerate and good people. He always ends his videos with this line: “Be brave, be kind, stay curious.”

One way we solo parents (and all parents in general) can teach our children about generosity is to be models for them, to show them how we can ease the burdens of others by sharing our time, talent, and treasures. But the best way is to constantly remind them that our solo parent family has survived difficult times because God has been generous to us all throughout our journey.

Ministry of Presence: Taking a Faith Walk with Adult Children

Sometimes, I receive messages like these:

“Hi! Can I call you? I need your advice.”

“Sis, I just want to share my feelings now. It seems my fear of being left alone is coming true.”

Or questions like these when I get invited to give the occasional talk:

“What do you do with hard-headed teen-aged children who hate you for making them obey your rules?”

“When is the right time for a solo parent to begin dating?”

I have a quick retort for the last one: “Malay ko ba. I can’t relate noh!!! Strict ang payrents ko.” But seriously, these are heart-stopping moments for me. Why? Because I’m afraid I will be asked for wisdom that I might not have. I, of course, always invoke God’s wisdom before engaging the people who seek answers from me. Many times, I’d be surprised by an advice I’d give because I know that definitely didn’t come from me. At other times God would nudge me to remember an experience (mine or someone else’s) that is related to the question.

But half the time, I’m clueless myself especially when it comes to the topic of making adult children accede to your wishes. I’m sure many parents with adult children will agree it was so much simpler when they were small. They need to take medicine? You can hold their cheek gently till it’s swallowed. They’re due for a check-up with the pediatrician? You can carry them to the car. It’s time to go to mass? You can promise them a balloon after mass. Their room is a mess? You can make a game with shoot the toys in the basket.

Now, try making your adult children do these things and these are what you’ll get: eyes rolled till they reach the backs of their heads, a fight, roars of laughter or a deaf ear.

Recently, my heart bled for a solo parent sister whose adult child left their family home for reasons she was not happy with. All I could tell her was to keep praying for her child and the cause of their situation. But after that, my heart was uneasy. Is there something more we parents can do other than pray? Fighting, forcing them to obey will only make things worse.

Yesterday, I got the answer from Fr. Ted Torralba’s birthday homily for the online mass of Sta. Maria Goretti based on this bible passage:

“The Kingdom of God is at hand.” – Matthew 10:7

He cited as an example a family member who does not attend mass with you even online, even with the conveniences of modern-day gadgets. He said:

“How do we handle the issue? Not by lecturing where they should be but by making ourselves a part of their lives. How? Celebrating with them their blessings, standing with them in their struggles. They know how much our faith means to us and our presence with them gives that faith credibility. We call this the Ministry or the Apostolate of Presence: just be there. Our love, our acceptance, our care is a proclamation that the kingdom of God is present…Our compassion is a sign that God is right here, right now.”

His words set my troubled heart to rest. What is most important after all, when taking a faith walk with our children, is our presence. This is also true for other people that God sends us to minister, those to whom we proclaim the Kingdom of God.

Fr. Ted ended with this adage and challenge:

“Hands that move are more powerful than lips that pray.”

How to Stay Happy in a Bad Situation

This is an article from my old (now retired) blog that was published years ago. In this time of pandemic when many people’s lives are in an extremely bad state, I thought it would be timely to repost this. I always say: “Happiness is a choice and a disposition of my heart. It is not dependent on my situation.”  Train yourself to see miracles every day.

“A joyful heart makes a cheerful face.” – Proverbs 15:13

We made it to the church on time without going over the speed limit, breaking any traffic rules and giving the traffic aide any reason to harass us for his snack money. We were even early enough to get the best parking space – right beside the entrance to Paco Park.

We couldn’t be late for this wedding. Papa had an important role to play. My newly widowed cousin, the mother of the groom, wanted Papa to walk with her down the aisle.

It was a close shave because my morning was hectic with errands to run. I barely had time to have my nails done so I had to settle for this horribly expensive parlor in the mall.

To save more time, I finished dressing-up in the car: applied eyeliner and lipstick when the light turned red; changed from slippers to shoes (good thing I grabbed the right box); stuffed essentials into my tiny evening bag.  

Midway to the church, I began to relax. We were good. We were on time. Or so we thought.

My cousin, George, who drove for us decided to check out the church first to make sure we were in the right place. Was it Paco Church or Paco Park? He came back with the news that there was no wedding scheduled for the day.

I called my cousin’s mobile number, but it was out of coverage area. I had her home phone number, but I said, “Who will answer that when everybody’s at the wedding?”

The phone rang. My cousin answered. What was she doing at home an hour before the wedding? Feeling something was totally off, I passed my phone to Papa.

We found out we were 3 days late for the wedding. The couple was already on their honeymoon when we got to the church.

They weren’t able to send the invitation, so the details were given over the phone. Papa jotted down Dec. 4 on his planner which I thought was an odd day for a wedding as it was a Tuesday. I kept asking him about it, but he said that’s the date my cousin gave. (Later we found out she did give that date then corrected it.)

Papa began to feel bad about it. He couldn’t imagine how he made that mistake. He also started to blame me – why I didn’t make sure about the date. That didn’t stick though since I never talked to my cousin.

I WAS IMAGING WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF THIS HAD HAPPENED TO SOME OF MY MARRIED FRIENDS. It would probably be the declaration of World War 3. The wasted trip, the wasted effort of dressing up and the blame game would have triggered a big fight. (Rejoice all you solo parents out there! This is our one big advantage.)

But by God’s grace we were given joyful hearts and some blessings.

We began to find the mix-up funny and laughed about it.  

We decided not to waste the trip and go somewhere to eat. I wanted to eat in Pancake House and thought there was one along Macapagal Ave. But George saw their branch on Harbour Square. As we enjoyed our pancakes and tacos, we were treated to a spectacular view of Manila Bay behind the Yacht Club.

What do you do when you’re dressed to the nines, all dolled up and you have no wedding to go to? Take pictures of course. I got some fabulous shots with my phone camera.

Instead of the blame game, we played the gratitude game:

• It’s a good thing I only had time for a pedicure. I was saved from a pricey manicure.
• Papa decided not to buy a new suit and just had his old one dry-cleaned. He was happier missing the wedding in his old suit. 
• Since we had no wedding to go to, we had the time to get the car back-up sensor fixed.

Happy tip: Knock some happiness into a bad situation by focusing on the good things. Consciously look for the blessings and the things that suck the joy out of your day will get punched out of the ring.