Sharing Crosses

 

“He humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.” – Philippians 2:8

 

“Do you envy others because their crosses are lighter than yours?” This was the question asked by the priest in yesterday’s mass celebrating the Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross. I nodded my head again and again and again in agreement giving those bobble head dashboard dogs a run for their money.

 

Do you also feel that way once in a while, sometimes, most of the time? Here you are a solo parent struggling to raise your kids and there are your friends and relatives with their perfectly complete families. Oh they have some problems too: how to get their visas in time for their vacation abroad, where to hold their milestone birthday bashes, things like that. I’m exaggerating but I have heard this complaint from a couple of sisters in HIP (Hero Independent Parents - our Solo Parent Ministry at Feast Bellevue): “Why is that woman (the one who stole her husband) enjoying a better life than me???? She gets the cars, and the house, and the foreign trips while my ex-husband doesn’t even give enough in child support.” Sounds familiar?

 

Heck, I don’t know why the crosses of others are lighter and that pains me often. But what the priest said struck my tear ducts. “Crosses are meant to be shared. Humanity was on a vicious downward spiral until God decided to share our burden, our suffering, our cross. The cross was ours to bear but Jesus carried it for us. Even Jesus needed Simon of Cyrene to carry His cross…Do you find your cross heavy? Have you asked others or even God to share your burden? Or we can ask, ‘What have you done to lift the burdens of so many people around us overwhelmed by the crosses they bear?’” (Fr. Emmanuel Alfonso)

 

So my dear fellow heavy lifters, do not be afraid to ask for help. The main thing that helped me survive solo parenting was the help of my parents, relatives, and friends especially my Feast brothers and sisters. Even the mere act of asking for prayers is already a major step.

 

On the other hand if you have a lighter cross, it is your duty to help carry the cross of your brethren. Sometimes what you think is the least you can do (praying for them or giving time to listen) is what it will take to lift them.

Emergency Novena to Mother Mary

 

“The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name.”

– Luke 1:49

“I want to know what to pray for.”

 

These words were spoken by Mother Mary in “The Messengers”, the Christmas 2021 with The Chosen special. The scene was set at the time she was already old and probably near death. She was asking Mary Magdalene how the apostles, who were scattered around the world evangelizing, were doing. Mary, hesitant to burden Mother Mary with the difficulties of the disciples, tried to change the topic. But she was insistent. Our Mother wants to know what to pray for. I believe she has the same concern for us, her children.

 

Today, on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, I give thanks to God for giving us a mother who intercedes for us constantly to her Divine Son. Every time I go into panic mode because of some crisis in my life, she is the one I cling to because I know Jesus cannot say “No” to her. If He won’t listen to me, He will certainly listen to His Mother.

 

I remember reading about Mother Teresa of Calcutta’s Emergency “Flying Novena” to our Lady. I have prayed it ever since when I fear an impending and IMMEDIATE “disaster”. OK, I admit I’m a panicky person so “disaster” would be relative. It has ranged from my son’s delayed connecting flight, to fears someone in the family got Covid, to not having enough to pay BIR’s ridiculously high estate tax, to many other problems in my hiram na buhay. Believe me, I can’t remember a time when this novena failed. Our Mother must be more makulit than I am with her Son.

 

The emergency novena is simply the “Memore” said ten consecutive times. Mother Teresa prayed this when time was of the essence and trouble would already happen before she could finish a nine-day novena. I read that her Missionaries of Charity still pray the novena to this day. (See the complete prayer below.)

 

Going back to that The Chosen episode, Mother Mary asked to see Mary Magdalene so she could bequeath to her the Magnificat. The Canticle of Mary was written down and sent to Luke. On her birthday, I invite you to reflect:

 

What great things has the Lord done for you that, like Mary, you will be inspired to utter a canticle of praise?

 

Happy Birthday Mama Mary!

 

The Memorare

 

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known 
that anyone who fled to thy protection, 
implored thy help, 
or sought thy intercession, 
was left unaided. 
Inspired by this confidence 
I fly unto thee, 
O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. 
To thee do I come, 
before thee I stand, 
sinful and sorrowful. 
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions, 
but in thy mercy hear and answer me. 
Amen.

Questioning God

 

“Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” – John 20:29

 

“Why didn’t You heal her when it was in Your power to do so?” This is a heart wrenching question to God from a friend who lost her mother during the pandemic.

 

Do you have questions like that? Do you have questions about your faith? Is it wrong to question God? What do we do when we have doubts? Will God get angry when we doubt?

 

Although Jesus rebuked Thomas for his unbelief, He did not hit him with a lightning bolt in anger. Instead, Jesus appeared to the apostles again that Thomas may see for himself. Jesus accepted Thomas’ humanity to search for answers as He also accepts ours. As the priest said in his homily on the feast of St. Thomas: “Our questions are doors that open to a deeper faith.”

 

When children are small, they ask endless questions. Mine did and it sometimes drove me crazy. It’s a good thing God has all the patience in the world for His children’s questions. He even points us to where we can get answers – the bible, our spiritual leaders, our brothers and sisters in the community, even in His creations. So, ask away. After all, “The ability to ask questions is the greatest resource in learning the truth.” (Carl Jung)

 

On another note, our children accept our answers as Gospel truth even if sometimes they don’t fully comprehend the explanation because they trust us. And this is also the attitude of trust we should take in our questioning. We may not understand what is happening to us. We may not get the answer right away or not even in this lifetime but TRUST in the Lord’s perfect plan.

 

These lines from the song Trust His Heart by Babbie Mason give me assurance when I have questions and doubts: “When you don’t see His plan, when you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.”

Spirit Over Mind

 

“…the Holy Spirit came on them, and they spoke in tongues…” – Acts 19:6

In my book The Happy Solo Kit (Tools and Supplies You Need to Survive Solo Parenting without Losing Your Marbles), there’s a section I called “Terrible Teens”. Like I said there, teens are more terrible than twos. It is at this stage when children develop their own minds and start thinking they know better than their parents.

It’s very difficult to give them your opinion about how to live their lives because they would always counter with a different take. Always!

But I remember one time when my elder son, then in high school, was heartbroken, and he asked to meet me in front of our church to talk. I wanted to help him but was already half-expecting his usual kontrapelo (going against the grain) reactions. So, on my way to the church, I sent up a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit for wisdom.

Our conversation was going the usual But-Mom-that’s-not-how-it-is way until he asked a difficult question. I didn’t know how to answer, but as I opened my mouth the words just flowed. Surprisingly, he quietly accepted the wisdom I was spouting. I knew then it was the Holy Spirit at work. Those words did not come from me as I felt clueless before I began.

So, Terrible Teens or Terrible Twos or whatever terrible stage our children are in, it always helps to ask the Holy Spirit to guide us in our parenting journey.

Praise Through the Pain

 

“Sing joyfully to the Lord, all the earth; raise your voices in songs of praise.” – Psalm 98:4

 

It’s easy to sing joyful praise songs when everything is right in your world, isn’t it? When you enjoy good health – Alleluia! When love reigns in your family and relationships are amiable – Glory to God! When abundant blessings flow like ticking a dream destination off your bucket list – Hosanna!

 

But when things go wrong, can you still praise God?

In 2012, I had the privilege of interviewing Connie Velasco, one of our Feast Alabang attendees, for Kerygma Magazine. Three years before she was diagnosed with breast cancer, her husband had died of lung cancer. She had undergone 12 surgeries, 32 radiation sessions and about 30 or so chemotherapy sessions. In a span of 7 years, she almost died 7 times and had been hospitalized more times than she can count. To her, it felt like a thousand already. Her doctors had turned her down for treatment as there was nothing more they could do. She also went through a time when even her finances were drained.

 

But every Sunday at The Feast, we’d see her in her wheelchair front and center praising God. Even if she’s in constant pain, she still strove to look her glamorous best. She even goes to her chemo sessions all made up complete with a fashionable hat, becoming an inspiration to the other cancer patients. And despite her condition, she still served in whatever way she could. For instance, she designed the magnificent stage for the Kerygma Conference 2011 Faith Stream. She praised God with song and service.

 

A lot has been said and written on why we should praise God during difficult times. Personally, praising God through my pain helps me to forget about me. I’m reminded how big my God is, bigger than my troubles. And I remember those other times I was broken, and His Amazing Grace mended me. Praising God is not about what we do for Him but about how it transforms us.

 

Lifequake

 

“I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” - Psalm 16:8

 

The strongest and scariest earthquake that I have ever experienced was the one on July 16, 1990. I was at the office, and everyone ran out in panic. The girls in our staff cried in fright and even our burly workers had horror etched on their faces. Good thing ours was just a one-story building. But the fear did not stop with the shaking. There was greater dread for those left at home. I rushed to check on our house and my family especially my children who were still small then.

 

Earthquakes are not the only things that shake our world. Dire events in our lives have the same shattering effect. A husband taken away from us too soon. A business failure. Debts piling up. Jobs lost. Relationships broken. A sick parent. Lifequakes.

 

Through all these lifequakes, I clung to Him who cannot be shaken. I must admit there were times when not just my world but also my faith was shaken. But praying and keeping my eyes on the Lord even if I was getting cross-eyed from the dizzying quakes held my world together. He is not just at my right hand, but He goes before me, and He protects my back.  God is my center.

*Keeping the Faith series #1

Word-ability

 

“A demoniac who could not speak was brought to Jesus, and when the demon was driven out the mute man spoke.” - Matthew 9:32-38

 

Today, I would like to thank the Lord for the gift of WORDS. For the ability to speak them and for the facility to write them.

 

Many times, we take this gift for granted. Imagine what it would be like if you become mute. How will you tell people your thoughts? How will you ask for help? How will you go about your daily life without the ability to communicate?

 

And many more times, we forget just how powerful our words are. They can crush dreams or build them. They can break hearts or fill them with joy. OUR WORDS HAVE THE ABILITY TO AFFECT OTHER PEOPLE.

 

So let us reflect on how we use words. Have we expressed love for our family, or have we demeaned them? Have we posted something on social media that spreads hope/knowledge, or have we bashed/spread fake news about someone we don’t even know personally?

 

And to the Marites (me included) and Tolits out there, do we really have to know and spread the latest???!!!

 

Whenever I feel a nasty comment or a gossip itching to escape my tongue, I try to recall the tale of the “Feathers in the Wind”. The story reminds me that once the contents of the feather pillow are scattered to the wind, it will be extremely hard to gather them all back. Such are our words.